Chapter One: Birth in Flurg

There was a town, Flurg, that nestled in the gentle boomerang elbow of the Booghagagoog River, just outside the mystical ancient city of Cincinnati. Flurg was nearly as important during the golden age of 1987 as was Canada; for, though Canada delivered Brian Adams, Flurg was the birthplace of none other than Lint the Great.

Lint the Great was not expected to survive his tumultous birth. Tossed about in the whilring creation of his world inside the pocket of Rob Eggfondle's jeans as they turned and tossed (about) and twisted in the aging Sears dryer that drowned out most Browns games so Rob never did laundry on Sundays, Lint the Great came to life in a big bang similar to that of the universe itself (minus the tube socks and Truckers Do It on the Road tee-shirts (Rob owned three))!

As Rob removed the warm jeans from the dryer, Lint the Great felt the cool air of his new domain, his Earth, his creation, his universe! For verily, had any of it existed before Lint the Great? The dryer? The Cleveland Browns? Nay, life itself, in the form of Rob?? Not as far as Lint the Great was concerned. And as Rob removed Lint the Great from his jeans pocket -- along with the small wad of previously chewed gum upon which Lint the Great had been reclining -- Lint the Great just knew it was so Rob could revere his new God.

Lint the Great drew in a cobby breath, preparing to ask Rob to bow down and worship at the linty wad who had now deemed himself the Ultimately Holy and Mighty Lint the Great -- but was caught off guard when Rob, with what Lint the Great could only assume was terror that froze his face into such a rictus of boredom -- dropped Lint the Great to the floor.

Lint the Great prepared to exhibit upon Rob all of his Ultimately Holy and Mighty Fury, but Lint the Great was suddenly devoured by Rob's cat, Shytfo' Bryns.

And then...Rob ate the gum.

Stay tuned for Chapter Two: The Hairball Resurrection

Inspired by a poodle with an attitude problem although it may have been a schnauser with a poodle problem.

permalink